Ask Rex Ryan his biggest regret in football and he won't mention a fourth-down call, mismanaging the clock or losing in the AFC Championship Game.
He'll tell you about a day in 1994 when he was in his first season as the Cardinals' defensive line coach and he was on the practice field instead of with his wife, Michelle, who was giving birth to their second son, Seth, hundreds of miles away. Ryan was coaching for his father, Buddy, and did not want to be accused of receiving preferential treatment.
"That was probably my biggest regret in coaching, that I missed my second kid being born," Ryan said a few years ago. "It was a stupid decision, a 'young coach' move."
FAMILY MATTERS: Rex Ryan's son, Seth, was in uniform for his first Clemson game and then tweeted out a photo of himself with his father and mother, Michelle. Rex Ryan has taken heat for leaving the Jets to see his son play his first game.
That "kid" is now 19 and a freshman walk-on wide receiver at Clemson. Ryan saw a hole in the Jets schedule Saturday and decided to fly to South Carolina to watch his son dress for his first college game, and now people in this town are attacking him as if he turned his back on the Jets.
This was Ryan's only chance to see one of Seth's games this season. The Tigers do not have a game the weekend after the Jets play on Thursday night this month or during their bye week in November. So Ryan saw an opening last weekend. It happened to coincide with the day the Jets cut their roster to 53, which has led critics to say he was ignoring his duties or showing a detachment from his job.
This is laughable.
Ryan, general manager John Idzik and the team's personnel and coaching staff met Friday to decide the cuts, none of which were surprising. Ryan contacted many of the players by phone and let Idzik handle the rest.
He went home late Friday night and flew to Clemson early Saturday. He spent the day talking to Idzik about last-minute decisions and possible waiver claims they would put in Sunday morning.
So he basically missed nothing. By the way, Texans coach Gary Kubiak did the same thing, attending his sons' game on Saturday between Rice and Texas A&M, but you won't hear much about that because it's not Ryan.
If you have children and a job, it's hard not to empathize with Ryan. This has nothing to do with the mythology of being an NFL coach. It is the same whether you're coaching football, working on Wall Street or selling vacuum cleaners. The 40-hour work week has vanished and everyone with a job and a family walks that line every day trying to balance the two.
It's easy to criticize Ryan if you've never had to choose who to let down — your boss or your wife. It's easy to criticize Ryan if you've never had to tell you kids "good night" over the phone while away on business. It's easy to criticize Ryan if you've never had to explain to your son or daughter why you have to miss their game or play or dance recital.
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